


Cremophobia

by pandaselfie



Series: Rivamika [5]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Loneliness, Out of Character Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Phobias, rivamika
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-13 05:32:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10507287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandaselfie/pseuds/pandaselfie
Summary: Levi doesn't like to admit it, but he has a fear of being alone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Attack on Titan.

Every time he got too close or too comfortable with someone, they always end up leaving him, whether it's by death or by their own will. It destroyed him bit by bit, but there was one person that completely broke him into pieces that definitely could not be placed back together even if he wanted them to.

 

She had gave him hope, but it was quickly snatched away, and it left him wondering if there was truly something wrong with him.

 

"Mikasa." Her name was said in a voice that she never wanted to hear from him, and it pained her, but she didn't want to show it. Not to him. Definitely not to Levi. "Can we just talk?"

 

"There's nothing to talk about, Levi." She turned around to face him, and she saw the hurt in his eyes, so the ravenette quickly turned back around to finish putting things in her suitcase. "I said what I needed to say earlier, so there's no point in repeating myself."

 

He couldn't let her leave this easily. At least not before he said what was on his mind. "I don't want to lose you."

 

It was a long moment of silence, then Mikasa zipped up the suitcase and turned around to face Levi once again. "You haven't been taking your meds, have you?" Her voice was soft as she spoke, and her eyes stayed on him, waiting for an answer.

 

"No." He said after a small laugh. "You know what those things do to me when I take them."

 

"And I also know what happens to you when you _don't_ take them." She sighed, then sat down on the bed. "You don't act like yourself and-"

 

"And what?" He slowly started to walk towards her. "You're leaving me because I'm not myself?" He let out a chuckle, which took Mikasa by surprise. "I haven't been myself for ten years now! And if you think that some crappy medicine is going to help me, you're wrong." Levi stood in front of Mikasa, and stared into her eyes. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

 

She stared back at him. "You're not crazy, Levi."

 

"So what am I? Controlling? Psycho? Emotionally unstable?"

 

"Levi, stop." Mikasa attempted to grab his hand, but he quickly pulled away, still not breaking eye contact. "You're none of those things, alright?"

 

He knew she was lying to keep him from breaking down, but that didn't help calm him down whatsoever. What he really wanted to hear is that she'd stay by his side, no matter what. That's all he ever wanted in life, for someone to stay with him, but he's always have driven people away. 

 

"Are you sure about that? I mean, I'm literally taking pills just because of my emotional state isn't where it should be. " Levi ran a hand through his hair while letting out a sigh, then he walked towards the door and sat down in front of it. "I just want to know _why_. Why are you suddenly leaving? I thought everything was going well."

 

Mikasa couldn't bring herself to speak, because what she wanted to say might have set him off, so she held her tongue. She heard a chuckle come from him once again, and the ravenette knew that he was already losing his bit of sanity that he had left, since he never laughed out loud in this way.

 

"Or are you tired of me? Is that it?" The raven-haired male didn't even give her a chance to respond. "So that's the reason why you've been hanging around Eren more than usual?"

 

The ravenette let out a sigh, then stood up. She looked down at him as she began speaking. "I thought I could look past your mental issues and love you for you, Levi, but I guess I was wrong. You don't seem to be getting any better, and I don't think I can help you anymore."

 

"I warned you in the beginning, Mikasa. I told you that I had things going on."

 

"Yes, but I didn't expect  **this**!" She sighed, then grabbed her suitcase. Mikasa stood in front of Levi, then said in a low tone, "I'm done."

 

He stood up and stared into her eyes. "I'm not letting you leave out of this room." They stared intensely into each other's eyes for a long time, until Mikasa looked away. 

 

"I can't do this anymore Levi. You're not the guy that I fell in love with about four years ago."

 

"But you're the one I want to be with."

 

"Things change for a reason, Levi." She tried to grab the doorknob, but Levi's hand stopped it, and he held onto it, afraid that this might be his last chance to touch his lover if he didn't do so.

 

"But my feelings for you haven't." Mikasa slowly met his eyes once more, and she saw that he was trying his best not to cry in front of her, but it couldn't be helped. "I'm still in love with you, Mikasa."

 

She didn't respond to that. It hurt Levi that Mikasa, the one he trusted the most, did not feel the same way about him anymore. But he was not going to let her move on and let her forget about him like the others. Levi wanted Mikasa. And if she couldn't see that, he was going to make her.

 

"Didn't I say that we would be together forever?" He asked softly as his fingertips lightly grazed the red fabric that was always wrapped around her neck, which made Mikasa tense up as he touched it. "You did promise me that we were going to stay together, right?"

 

She yanked her hand away from his grip, and let out another sigh. "I did, but-"

 

"So you're choosing to break that promise?" Levi took hold of her precious scarf and stared at it, trying to decide if he should rip it from her body or attempt to strangle her with it, but he did neither one. Instead, he continued to stare at it while slowly running his fingers over the soft piece of fabric that was important to her.

 

"I'm choosing to leave before someone gets hurt even more, alright?" Her eyes met his for a moment, but she quickly averted her gaze. Mikasa felt him release her scarf, and he moved from in front of the door, which made her feel less tense, but she wasn't sure if it was okay to open it and leave.

 

For some reason, it felt like it was taking longer than usual to open up the door, but before she had a chance to even turn the doorknob fully, she heard something fly past her. Mikasa slowly turned her head and saw a knife stuck in the wooden door. 

 

"I said you're not leaving this room." Levi glared at her. "Make another stupid move and that'll be your head." 

 

She had to make a decision: either take her chances and run for her life, or try to take the knife out of the door and fight back. Both options were risky, but anything was better than dealing with his mental issues any longer. Mikasa faced Levi, and saw a side of him that she never wanted to see ever again. She reached for the knife and pulled it out with ease. 

 

Levi raised an eyebrow. "And what are you going to do with that?"

 

"I don't want to hurt you, Levi." She pointed the knife at him, and he let out a laugh as she did so. Mikasa removed her scarf from her neck, then threw it on the floor next to her. "Let me leave, and no one gets hurt."

 

"Sorry sweetheart, but you know I don't want to do that."

 

"Then you leave me no choice." 

 

Everything happened so suddenly. One minute they were battling it out on the bedroom floor, both of them having a knife in hand. Next minute, Mikasa was beneath Levi, his knife held closely to her throat so that if she dared to move, he could easily cut her skin and make her bleed out. Cuts and bruises could be seen on the both of them, and most of the objects in the bedroom were broken or thrown to the opposite side of the room.

 

"Like I said.  **You're. Not. Leaving.** " He sat on her torso, so she couldn't try to escape. Mikasa was strong, but in this situation, he had the power. 

 

"I don't plan on giving up that easily." She said softly. Even though her body ached badly, Mikasa needed to find a way to get Levi to snap back to reality.

 

He growled at her. "You decide to leave me for someone that barely cares about you?" The short male shook his head as he let out a chuckle. "I'm sorry, but I don't plan on giving up that easily either. When you made that promise to me four years ago, I actually thought someone cared. I thought  _you_ were going to be different. But you're just like everyone else."

 

"Levi-"

 

"No, I'm tired of hearing you speak. You're just going to say that you're not like everyone else, but you are. You desperately want to walk out of my life, right?"

 

Before he had a chance to say anything else, with one hand, Mikasa pulled Levi down to kiss him. He froze, and his eyes went wide as she did so. This was the last thing Levi was expecting from her, but it did warm his heart a bit.

 

She pulled away, then looked into his eyes. "Are you okay now?"

 

He was daydreaming for a moment, then zoned back in a gave Mikasa a warm smile. "I'm fine." But that smile quickly went away as soon as it appeared. 

 

"And...I'm sorry."

 

With those words and a swift motion, Levi watched as Mikasa started to bleed out on the floor in front of him. He got up and walked over to her scarf that was laying on the ground near the door, then picked it up.

 

Levi looked at it for a moment, wrapped the red fabric around his neck, then inhaled the scent of vanilla. He sat in front of the door once again, then smiled at the corpse of his lover across from him as he let a few tears fall.

 

"I told you that we were going to be together forever, _sweetheart_ , and I don't intend on breaking that promise."

 

He looked at the knife that he used to silence the ravenette a few moments before, then he sighed. He couldn't keep his lover waiting forever, right? 

 

The raven-haired male flipped the knife so that the blade was pointing towards his chest, inhaled while closing his eyes, then stabbed himself in the chest. The pain of the wound was just as bad as people breaking his heart, but at least he didn't have to go through any more emotional pain.

 

Levi screamed in pain, then looked at Mikasa one last time as he started to bleed out. He fell onto his side, which made him hurt even more, but he didn't care. He knew that he would be with Mikasa soon, and that was the only thing that mattered. He tried his best to give another smile as he slowly bled to death, but ended coughing up blood instead. He could feel his body growing cold, and his eyelids getting heavy by the second, but he didn't care.

 

_He would be with Mikasa, and that's all that mattered._

**Author's Note:**

> This went down a different path than what I was expecting when I first started to write it, but hey, I kinda like it.


End file.
